Conversations between muns and pups. I think I did good. *G*

( She couldn't even die right. )

( OOC note )

Current Mood: accomplished

*sits up and blinks slowly, noticing immediately the dulled quality of her telepathy*

What the hell... Where-- where AM I? This place looks, well, vaguely familiar, but I just can't place it. The last thing I remember is Babylon 5, Susan, and...

*...horrified realization dawns*

Oh. My. God.

So it's true. She IS real. Everything is rushing back all at once now... Lyta, the password, being sucked down into the vortex of my own mind, and yet managing still to hold on... and I have been there all this time, asleep, unknowing. Pushed down by the alternate personality. Dear God, what else have I missed?

As if in response, a wave of memories hit Talia. She struggles to keep upright as the events of the last two months replay themselves in her head, feeling sick and shocked at what's transpired. As her mind replays the last conversation 'she' had with Ivanova, she winces, unable to believe the alternate personality's cruelty. She cannot yet think of the AP as a separate person; that would be too humanizing. Roiling nausea suddenly hits her, and she barely makes it to the bathroom before becoming violently ill.

Splashing cool water on her face, Talia takes stock of the situation. She knows she only awoke tonight because of the drugs that dulled the other's mind into oblivion, dampening not only her powers but her personality itself. With the other 'gone' temporarily, she was shaken out of stasis, compelled to fill the void in her mind. Talia wonders if she ever would've woken up otherwise.

Her personality is so strong... even in her sleep, I wasn't able to surface as she could in mine. *drifts over to the tiny window in the bedroom and stares out, contemplating* Was I really so weak? God, how sickening.

I have to do something. This canNOT continue. But I don't know how, for God's sake... she is so incredibly strong. But. *back straightens with resolve* My consciousness is back; that's the first step. Now I can at least know to watch her, learn what she learns, and perhaps gain some leverage in this impossible battle.

If I go back in now, maybe she won't realize I'm here. Oh, I know she suspects. But if I can manage to keep my awareness hidden, I will have the upper hand in at least one instance. And that is a very big step.

*gazes out the window one last time, fixing upon the distant glimmering of a star before welling tears blur her vision* Susan, I know you're out there somewhere, and I wish you could hear me... I'm sorry. I'm so very, very sorry.

Current Mood: numb

Every day, I think these gene enhancements cannot get any worse, and every day, I'm proven wrong. Little by little, they're pushing the boundaries of the telekinesis, and heightening the telepathy as well. The power is a near-tangible thing; it all but vibrates underneath my skin. It is quite intoxicating. Unfortunately, as we discovered yesterday, it is also somewhat uncontrollable.

After months of trying, the TK ramped by orders of magnitude. It was as if it had been lying in wait, soaking up the power fed to it until the time was right. The level to which it peaked left everyone a bit dumbfounded, even Alfred, who made a rare visit yesterday to witness the spectacle. *smiles smugly* I hardly think even HE was expecting this. Anyway, it was all going excellently until last night.

Someone should have anticipated this problem, actually. In fact, I'm sure a tech will be sufficiently punished, if I have to take care of it myself. To wit- as I slept, uninhibited and uncontrolled, my powers wreaked havoc around me. In sleep, I could not rein in the newly-awakened telekinesis, could not keep it from reaching out and bending matter to its will. Telepathy and telekinesis are similar in that way- their instincts are to reach out, to touch, to manipulate and interact. They do not exist naturally at rest, and this is why a telepath's life is inexorably difficult. We must constantly keep tight locks on that which is as instinctive to us as breathing. Never the peaceful observer for us; some may try to tell you otherwise, but our true natures do not allow it to be so. We would not have to build mind-walls of glass and stone if this were true.

These were realizations I came upon after waking this morning and finding everything in my room, save for the bed on which I slept, utterly destroyed. My powers had, in the night, gone on doing exactly what they were made to do. It was a development so obvious as to be idiotically simple.

So today has been all about letting go completely and learning new ways to control these awesome powers. A stable telekinetic of my level has never been dealt with before, so we are all piloting blind here, so to speak. It has been a learning process for everyone. A solution to the problem of the TK going out of control while I sleep still hasn't been found, though, so until it is I will be getting mild sedative/sleeper shots at night to keep me damped. Someone's actually just been in to administer the dosage, and I can't help but think of poor Susan's mother... and laugh.

Truth be known, all these treatments and drugs are making me incredibly ill. It's not entirely surprising, considering the amount of chemicals that are inundating my body right now, just... unpleasant. I like these sleepers even less, though, as they've made me feel like someone's thrown a wet blanket over my mind... everything is uncomfortably muffled and far away. I feel like I've lost touch with my powers. And this is a very mild version of the sleepers, designed to wear off by morning. It's disconcerting, to say the least.

Why would anyone choose this?

I can barely see straight. *mutters thickly* Time to go to bed before I pass out at the viewscreen--

*suddenly slumps over, breathing gone slow and rhythmic*

Current Mood: discontent

Oh. I feel awful. The treatments today were worse than they usually are... they discovered the gift that Ironheart gave to Talia, and have been running a battery of gene therapies to enhance it. Hone it, potentially make a telekinetic that won't dissolve into insanity a month after their powers are triggered. Unfortunately, it is a very draining process. I feel as though all my strength has been sapped. In the long run, however, it WILL pay off. *smiles thinly*

*moves sluggishly to the bed* I believe I won't have to worry about the insanity bit. But I am so very, very tired, and tomorrow will be more of the same. I must rest.

Ironic, really, that Ironheart's 'gift' will be turned into a very valuable tool for Psi Corps...

*yawns, drops instantly off to sleep*

Current Mood: exhausted

Oh, it's so refreshing to finally be the one in CONTROL now! *smirk* You can't imagine how irritating it was to listen to that silly, simpering little bitch... part of me almost thanks that traitor Lyta for freeing me. Even though it wasn't supposed to happen yet. Dammit. It was worth it, though, for the looks on their faces. Especially.... Susan's. *laughs*

Well, that's done now, though I can't wait to get my hands on her for it, anyway. Once they finish all the testing... yes.

You know... they said Talia was destroyed. And I trust them. The Corps is Mother, the Corps is Father. But sometimes... just sometimes, I wonder. If she's not still in there, helpless and unable to do anything as she watches her life being destroyed.

It would make me smile.

Current Mood: satisfied